Gaz-Grumps

Hi again, its me Grumpy Gaz.

So if you think you’re starting to get a handle on what makes me tick, let me know, cause I certainly have no idea!

 

Anyway two questions for you to ponder as you read further!

1) Why is it that as soon as they lay a new section of road, they immediately start digging holes in it?  Not only this, but it appears the technology does not exist for these holes to be re-filled such that they are neither a, “Bump” or a, “Hole”! (Thanyapura reference there)

Secondly:

2) How do fish know that they look like another fish? So there’s a fish swimming along and it sees a school of fish all exactly the same and thinks to itself,” I might join in with them cause I’m the same”.  Now fish cannot possibly know what they themselves look like, they don’t have mirrors and they have one eye on each side of their body.

I know this is a bit off topic, but it disturbs me (and please read further)! I have lots of these conundrums which I occasionally pose to the LC Windtrainer people, but so far their answers have been underwhelming!

G-Files-Thinking

Rain!  I hate rain!

Don’t give me that, “oh it’s good for the garden”, or “we need the rain”!  We have a desalination thing if we need it, good enough for me.

Rain and cyclists done mix. There are a few reasons for this, and I guess at heart I’m still a cyclist.  Well it makes the road slippery, and dangerous, It reduces vision (dangerous again), but probably most of all, when you get wet, you get cold!  I hate being cold!  On a bike, when it’s raining you cant stay dry. Not possible, and therefore you can’t stay warm.

 

(I have a story here about a ride we did in the rain, it involves Trea, Mr TA, Hypothermia, Me, Mr and Mrs TA’s place, the Zwift thing for 3 hours, water bottles, Mrs TA, me being in trouble with Mrs TA, again – but probably don’t have time to go into it right now:) (I have a lot of these kinds of stories by the way, many of them with Mrs TA getting cross with me at various stages, hmmm not sure why that is, except the one where she got us lost, nope she got cross there too!) (I’m kind of sensing I just got myself into trouble again, hmm anyway I’ll press on)

I don’t like the suburb of Chelsea either. Nothing personal, it’s just that when it rains, it rains there. No argument. It does. It annoys me so much that I will stop and take photos even though its driving me mad, and I’m wet, and bloody freezing!

G-Files-Rain

This brings me to the issue of my bike (of course it does)! Aaah i’m hearing some of you inwardly grown!

Yes its frame is made of Titanium! We all clear on that now! Can we move on?  So why am I so testy about this?  Here’s why!

So I’m sitting at a cafe, by myself, enjoying my own company, when a guy who I’ve already seen eyeing my bike, comes up and says, “do you mind if I join you?”

First burnt stick moment! (This is a mechanism of coping with situations where I’d rather be poking myself in the eye with a burnt stick! In other words I’d rather be utilising the burnt stick in my eye, than having to engage in conversation with this person- got it?).

I reply, “No”.  He sits down (misunderstanding what I actually meant) then says, “is that your bike?”  Second burnt stick moment!  Now, I know what’s coming but there’s no escaping it!  I reply, “yes”.

Then, “Is that a titanium frame?”

And there it is…..both eyes gone now…

So from there its, Who made it, How old is it, where did you get it??????? and so on and on…….

Now I do my best to keep my answers short and try to convey that I don’t really want to talk at all, let alone about my bike, but it doesn’t seem to deter people!

OK so what about when you pass someone on the road and just as your’e going past they speed up and ride along side you, and THEN they want to chat. Not only this, which is annoying enough as it is, but then I’ll get, “is that a titanium bike?” Aaargh give me that burnt stick!

At this point its, “oh look I’m running late, see you later”, and then give it everything I’ve got to get away!

G-Files-Bike

I may as well stick with the cycling theme for this one and relate some other stuff that just makes my mind explode.  You may think that Ollie goes on a bit about us all wearing the same kit when we ride. This is actually important. It makes us more apparent as a group and therefore safer and stops other people “dropping in” to the group.

Except!

It doesn’t!

For as long as I’ve been riding this has been giving me the “intestinal rebellion” (thanks Eddie for that gem from Thanyapura). What is it with people, they see a group of, 10 maybe 20 riders, all wearing exactly the same gear, and they think, “I’ll get in with them”. (unlike the fish, who know better- see how I tied that in)

What, do they think we won’t notice, usually they’re wearing a completely different colour. They don’t sit behind, they don’t go ahead, they sit in and get towed along and usually are crap cyclists and dangerous.

Aaaargh where’s that stick gone!

 

What about when you get stopped by a red light, and someone who you have just passed rolls past you as the light turns green. Then they ride in front of you and you have to pass them again, only for the same thing to happen a kilometre down the road.

OK I have a policy here, once this happens you have a licence to sit approximately 3mm from their back wheel until you have made them, 1: uncomfortable, and 2: aware you are very unhappy with them, and 3: for as long as you can be bothered, and I don’t care how slow they go I’ll stay there! I am not only Grumpy but you’ll find I’m quite stubborn too!

There is a slight variation on this one too, where people who have been hugging your wheel for ages decide they are strong enough to pass you, … but… they aren’t, so you have to pass them, and then they feel strong again cause they’ve been in your draft so they pass you again, slow down again, so you have to pass them again, then they aaaaargh, this is often where someone like Mr TA will often lose it and the situation starts to escalate!

Bunch-Riding-and-Cycling-Etiquette

Wow, haven’t scratched the surface, and not sure how much Mrs TA wants me to write and I don’t want to risk her wrath (again) so maybe I’d better stop there.

Haven’t mentioned cars, broken glass, traffic lights, old lycra, Ksyrium wheels, track stands, flat tyres, CO2 inflators,…..

I could also expand on these stories but …..you probably would be bored by them, although the ones with Mrs TA in them ……hmmm!

 

John Collins (Co-founder of the Ironman) once said:

“to stop is to lose, to move forward is to win”!

 

At least i think it was him that said that. I like it anyway!

 

PS No names (well not many) were mentioned in this article in order to protect the innocent (Me)

 

See ya, I’m off to go study some fish

 

Grumpy Gaz

Kona-Athletes
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