3. A WORD FROM AM-BASSADOR
So I know it’s tradition for the Ambassadors to do a little run down of how their race went. But I thought I would go a bit different and give a glimpse into my journey leading up to the 70.3
Yes, social media can make it come across like training and the actual race day is a whole lot easier, fun, festive, smiles and look as if we are natural elite triathletes, but let me assure you the amount of self-doubt, massive fears, anxiety, hissy fits, fomo, pains in areas you didn’t even know existed and close-to-the-wet-season’s worth of tears is what also happens!!!
This is by no means a story to scare anyone off on making that giant leap to upgrade their distance, it is more of what I hope is a comfort to those like me that were wondering if they are the only ones that feel like the impossible is in front of them. I can’t vouch for every person having the same fears and feelings in the same exact ways, but this is a little of my story.
When I made the decision to start training for the half ironman I had only done 3 seasons of Gatorade. First season was the Active Feet (mini), second was Sprint and third I added in the Olympic distance.
I’m by no means the fittest, skinniest, fastest most athletic triathlete in the world so I knew it was going to be a bloody hard road ahead.
First fears that crept in was how the f*@k am I going to actually finish this thing? How am I going to get enough training in? How am I going to get faster, quicker, stronger and fitter? How am I going to drop a few kgs so I don’t look like a bloated cow that drinks far too much beer? S#*t, what food do I eat now? Do I need new gear and clothing? How expensive is all of this stuff? Then there was the issue of explaining to my closest friends that I’m not going to be around for as many social events, I can’t give you exact dates for catch ups and no I can’t go out and get s@#t faced with you every weekend. Then actually explaining to people that I’m not running the whole thing, there are 2 other parts to it.
Now I can’t run for s*&t (I’m not just saying that, I really can’t!), I knew this was my biggest demon. So I made myself go way out of my comfort zone and go to every stupid running session. I was constantly last in 99% of every single session. Yes I got down, yes I got angry, yes I cried (a lot), and yes I was extremely jealous and wanted to punch every person in the face that lapped me (in the most loving way!) It took a few months to get over this, but then I actually starting keeping a record of my own times when I ran so I could keep beating myself , and used that to carry on without cracking it as many times.
Riding in the rain 80% of the time for 120km on Beach Road was not fun. It was s*&t. You have no choice but to ride every Saturday even if it’s wet, cold, raining and with headwinds. I got cold sores every two weeks on average and crusty dry skin all around my nose from blowing it. You betcha every time I was back down to 12kph in a headwind with snot running down my nose, not feeling my feet or hands while crying, I wondered why the f*&k people do this. Also knowing that even if you turned around half way you were still going to have to set up the windtrainer and finish it off in the lounge room didn’t make it easier!! There isn’t much that makes you feel good about it, but knowing it’s for the end goal, and that was a reason I got through it. This selfies at Franga are mostly fake smiles!
Major FOMO (fear of missing out) of not being able to go out as much was difficult. Yes you can still go out and not drink – but let’s face it, it can really suck when everyone else is on a completely different level of festiveness than you. Having eye rolls from people because you tell them you have training in the morning, having people say “just have one”, or “what’s happened to you, you used to be fun”. It had a bit of an effect on me. I had to actually sit people down and explain how important this half ironman was for me so I they could understand it a bit more. And everyone knows how much I love a festive beer, red, bubble or whatever it is, so this was a really hard to give the stuff up and have my mates be cool with that too. This was also a massive eye opener to see who stood by me and who kinda disappeared a bit.
From this part I came out the other end a hugely stronger person in being able to say no. In my own words –“old school Ams is still allowed to come out occasionally, but I kinda like new school Ams a bit more now.”
Then you get people saying you can go a bit faster if you lose a bit of weight. Well I aint no supermodel! Life eating and drinking choices were hard. Yeah I still ate s*@t, who can eat like Kate Moss for 7 months – not me! But I did learn that when you push yourself to do crazy training hours you really do need to eat proper, otherwise your body just can’t keep going. My body did automatically lose weight, but I was so hell bent on reaching a weight goal that it took over what I should have been eating, to what I was eating. Massive lesson learnt there too. No, I still didn’t get my weight goal, sure I care a bit, but I’m still 8kg skinner than I was 7 months ago!
I had my feet peel with blood and blisters a million times over, a hip that was inflamed most of the time and got leg cramps in nearly every swim sesh.
I cried and chucked my goggles at swim sessions. I cried and refused to run at run sessions. I cracked it and turned around on ride sessions.
I changed my phone screen to “pain is temporary, quitting last forever”. So whenever I was having a big sook about life or having a bit of an ache I forced myself up at 4:50am 5-6 times a week.
I learnt more about myself over the last 7 months than I ever thought I would. Yeah I would change things. The first time you do anything it’s scary as f@#k, but after you think back, and go wow that wasn’t that bad was it. I reckon I will definitely do another one coz there are so many things I would change for the better, both mentally and physically.
I didn’t need to be the best, fittest, fastest strongest, skinniest elite triathlete to be happy. I just need to keep beating my own times, fears and goals. It probably took way too long to get that in my head to enjoy the whole process as much as I should have. Once I got it, it was like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders and the anxiety and anger at myself for not being as good as I thought I should be stopped.
So if you are thinking about moving up to either a Sprint, Olympic, Half or Full distance – just do it.
F@#k if I can, anyone can!!!
Am-Bassador
xx
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